The brand new Hampshire: Steeped But Ashamed About it

Glance at the method he with pride grins up at you against their cellular phone screen when he dangles his Connect during the day between your legs regarding their cargo shorts-clothed base! You realize the individuals purse are only filled up with carabiners, hooks, and you may zero-ties! Imagine the lovable Boy Scout your went along to primary school that have. Contemplate the way they was indeed thus beneficial and you will realized all of the different categories of knots? Ok, now visualize all of them grown up-up and declining to Venmo your $250 getting their half new abortion. Now photo your rising towards sunrays, which he phone calls "nature's noisy alarms." Actually, I am not sure that's worse.

Nebraska: The new Armchair Quarterback

You undergone about three (3) coffee dining tables this current year because your boyfriend, an enthusiastic armchair quarterback off Nebraska, won't avoid crushing them for the rage whenever their party seems to lose. He categorically does not want to believe that the players cannot pay attention to him of their family area and you can, this is why, their article-fumble "Get real. " shout is actually deafening. All Friday, unfailingly, you might be sometimes hearing him name all of the mentor and you will user a beneficial screwing moron, or cold at the tailgate - never on genuine video game, regardless if. He'll never mastered one season and then he was almost a third-string walk-toward kicker for the Huskers, and since he covers it all this new really big date, none do you really.

Nevada: The brand new Perma-Bachelor

If perhaps my personal match fit myself in addition to Bradley Cooper's performed regarding Hangover, thinks the new Las vegas, nevada Fuckboy, following living could well be complete. Here he happens, prowling from the bar together with his shirt undone one to button also of numerous, slurring his words and you can sloshing their martini. Only if it tasted as good as they look, faydalД± baДџlantД± he magic so you can themselves. Never inquire your when deciding to take of his spectacles, as they are hiding a set of crusted, bloodshot sight which were just after simple and you will laden up with life. He could be now a strolling party server, repeated so you can his loved ones: "You will get hitched? Loser! Simple fact is that unmarried existence for me personally, brah!", being unsure of he'll getting condemned to grow good paunch, assist their high priced match getting discolored and you will unpleasant, and start to become one of the Vegas slot machine grannies, thumbing house into machine and you can drinking a two-liter container out of eating plan Coke, wishing to earn the latest award off his shed young people.

“Hey girl, did not We view you at Tri-Kap dager a week ago?” are a frequent starting gambit of The Hampshire Fuckboy exactly who is Steeped But Embarrassed Regarding it. A great Dartmouth guy through-and-through, he is the greatest eyes out of option-downs, khaki shorts, and you can an effective blazer that is certainly used in the formals and from the his father's boat pub. Inquire him downright when the he's rich, he will be quick to share with your their loved ones never own good private sprinkle – it’s just a risk inside the a shared G6 ranging from the my personal dad's company lovers. And then he does not have any a residence for the Nantucket, it is simply a little summer-house with the beach close to the Obamas' put. An enjoyable secret if you would like place him into the location – ask him in order to pronounce title off his extremely expensive observe (Audemars Piguet) and watch him squirm.

The newest Mexico: The brand new Connect

Brand new Mexico, it is said, is the land out-of enchantment, a wasteland in which their journey hopes and dreams will come true. It's nearer to a dirty horror the spot where the men smell like dust and you can smegma. Your Mexican fuckboy, in the event that he is regarding Albuquerque, was far too desperate to direct you attractions out of Breaking Crappy – you know, one house you could potentially place a pizza pie onto, or that amazingly meth hotel – since that's it he has. You to definitely, along with his “I am the one who hits” top (stained), an extensive-brimmed cap (cannot complement), and Heisenberg cups (in fact a little tight so they look into the and leave reddish, welt-like indents for the his direct). When the he could be from Santa Fe, assume a comparable but with discussions on Ayahuasca therefore tedious possible need certainly to hurl oneself from the cliffs on Los Alamos.